K is for Kindness
Basic kindness is at the heart of heated, public transgender restroom issue. The liberal media should not label Christians and leaders who oppose open, public transgender bathrooms as bigots and haters. [tweetthis url=”http://maryanderingcreatively.com/transgender-restroom-issue/”]Kindness needed in the transgender restroom issue by viewing its impact on all stakeholders.[/tweetthis]
[tweetthis url=”http://maryanderingcreatively.com/transgender-restroom-issue/”]Liberal media: those opposed to open, transgender bathrooms are not bigots.[/tweetthis]
As a woman, I myself struggle with being kind in this area myself. I do not understand the transgender movement in our country. For me, it seems to come out of left field with the swiftness of changes that are happening. I feel overwhelmed with it all and also feel hurt and maligned because I too have fears about transgender males using women’s bathrooms. Statistics aside, my fear really centers around non-transgender men who are criminals using these laws to violate and harm women. I wish the transgender community would not dismiss these fears but open a real dialog of respect.
Yes, we do have pockets of hatred toward transgender, lesbians, and gay people in the Christian right. Some Christians vehemently view these types of behavior as unforgivable sin. I do not share this view; although, I feel the Bible does state that homosexuality is sinful; but so is smoking, sex before marriage, and hating one another. The Bible also states that if we are guilty of one sin such as pride we are guilty of all sin. We are also commended to approach each other in a spirit of love because Christ died for all sinners.
In this politically correct world, it hard sometimes to do this fully. As Christians, we are alarmed at some of the arguments for bathroom rights for transgender individuals. We feel that women and children’s privacy and safety are at stake. When we voice these concerns, we are labeled as unkind and even evil and bigoted and the rhetoric becomes heated on both sides.
How can we approach this issue with kindness and in Christian love?
First, I believe we need to recognize that the transgender community sees our concerns as unloving because of historical context. Racial issues are also viewed in this light. No matter our religious beliefs, transgender individuals are human and deserve to be treated with dignity. Women who are victims of sexual abuse also deserve to be treated with dignity. Too often they also feel their rights are violated.
We need to call on the transgender community to recognize the rights of women and children to feel safe. Author Jane Eisner in a Forward article really explains this issue the best in her article: What’s Really Behind the Angst Over Transgender Bathrooms? She writes:
“You realize that these people aren’t freaking out only about trans people. They are freaking out about men. The bathroom — more specifically, the women’s restroom — is the one publicly sanctioned refuge for women, a sanctuary from harassment and abuse, a safe space, to employ that overused phrase. In all my conversations and in all the articles I’ve read on this issue, I haven’t heard anyone express the fear that a person who was born a woman and now identifies as a man will cause harm if he enters a men’s room.
But the fear that a person who was born a man and now presents as a woman will lurk behind the stalls to attack unsuspecting daughters is threaded throughout objections to the bathroom mandate.
“We’re in denial about most of the violence against women in our society, and this brings it to the surface,” Ladin observed. “If I am in a women’s room and see someone who looks like a guy, I’m taken aback. It doesn’t make sense, except for the fact that women everywhere are exposed to violence.”
Read more: http://forward.com/opinion/338030/whats-really-behind-the-angst-over-transgender-bathrooms/#ixzz45cJjnNYk“
I also hope that the transgender community will take seriously the emotional impact the transgender restroom policies have on victims of sexual abuse. Here is an excellent article on the subject: A Rape Survivor Speaks Out About Transgender Bathrooms by Kaeley Triller. She writes:
“The solution? Anyone can use whatever restroom he or she wants without being questioned. They can’t be serious. Let me be clear: I am not saying that transgender people are predators. Not by a long shot. What I am saying is that there are countless deviant men in this world who will pretend to be transgender as a means of gaining access to the people they want to exploit, namely women and children. It already happens. Just Google Jason Pomares, Norwood Smith Burnes, or Taylor Buehler, for starters.”
I also want you to reflect on her words here:
Don’t they know that one out of every four little girls will be sexually abused during childhood, and that’s without giving predators free access to them while they shower? Don’t they know that, for women who have experienced sexual trauma, finding the courage to use a locker room at all is a freaking badge of honor? That many of these women view life through a kaleidoscope of shame and suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, dissociation, poor body image, eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse, difficulty with intimacy, and worse?
Why are women’s rights being trounced upon because of political correctness? We need to have a larger conversation about real kindness and love toward all segments of society. I think there is a simple answer to the transgender restroom issue: a third bathroom marked non-gender specific. These bathrooms already exist in so many malls and restaurants. They should be viewed as viable option, and the transgender community should not label people who propose them as bigots and haters.
I agree with Ms. Triller: “The priority ought to be finding a way to keep everyone safe. I’d much rather risk hurting a smaller number of people’s feelings by asking transgender people to use a single-occupancy restroom that still offers safety than risk jeopardizing the safety of thousands of women and kids with a policy that gives would-be predators a free pass.”
[tweetthis url=”http://maryanderingcreatively.com/transgender-restroom-issue/”]Kindness is at the heart of the transgender restroom issue. [/tweetthis]
[tweetthis url=”http://maryanderingcreatively.com/transgender-restroom-issue/”]At its heart, the transgender restroom issue is about validating each other as human beings.[/tweetthis]
This post is for letter K in the 2016 A to Z Blogging Challenge. Learn more about it here.
I will also join several of the hops listed on my Link-up Parties page.
This is a difficult issue for a lot of people, and I appreciate the kindness in your words. Not everyone is so kind when it comes to transgender issues.
Now, I have transgender friends, and I know how tough of a time they have it. It hurts me to see this whole issue come up the way it has, because some of the rhetoric I’ve heard is just toxic and hurtful.
I’d be fine with non-gender specific bathrooms, but I’d also likely say this. Transgender women have been using women’s restrooms for quite some time. It’s only recently become a vocal issue. I imagine the bathroom laws won’t necessarily seem like a good idea when a transgender man has to use the women’s restroom because of the law. That might make people uncomfortable, and it could cause some issues.
I’d also like to say that predators, being the predators that they are, probably aren’t all that concerned about the laws they violate. I doubt this law will stop someone who is truly determined to take advantage of someone. I understand that you don’t want to make it easier for these predators, but I think there are better solutions than making life difficult for people who’ve done nothing wrong. That’s exactly why having civilized discussions about these sensitive issues is so important. Calling someone a bigot from the beginning doesn’t accomplish anything.
L.G. Keltner recently posted…N is for Networking
L. G. Keltner. I really appreciate your comment and your points. I do agree with you that we should not punish those who do nothing wrong. I wish we could have settled this without all the hurtful rhetoric. We need to treat each other with dignity and kindness. Thank you for stopping by.
Mary Hill recently posted…P is for Prayer : Prayer Draws You Closer to God
i don’t think this is an issue of political correctness… I have transgender female friends. They are people whose bodies were changed by an accident in the womb, but whose minds and ‘being’ were not – so they identify with being a woman. They are women, possibly trapped in a male body. the story is often much more complicated than this. But imagine waking up tomorrow and finding you have a penis. It would horrify you. You would want to get rid of it as soon as possible. It would not change your sense of being a woman. This is what people born like this have to contend with… and then, when they dress as the woman they ARE, but look slightly or even very masculine because of what unwanted hormones have done to their body, they are reviled. If a man who wants to rape wants to get into a woman’s bathroom he can with no problem. You share a bathroom with gay women all the time, you just don’t know about it. Imagine being a woman, as you are, but having to use a male bathroom. Then there is the problem with masculine -looking women who are women in body and being – several have already been reported to the police! And what about unisex bathrooms, of which there are many – why would you be more likely to be attacked there than any bathroom – and they are full of men! This is definitely a cruel practise. They are the most vulnerable people in society – dealt a cruel blow, and they suffer all the time from prejudice and thoughtlessness. They are women. If you dressed a dog as a cat, it would still be a dog. They deserve your sympathy, Christian kindness, and love.
Liz Brownlee recently posted…N is for Numbat
Liz thank you for honest perspective. We all need to come together and learn. Really, I have only met at most five transgenders in my lifetime because I covered a gay bar in college as part of my Senior Practicum. I only interacted with them for one evening for the purpose of that story. I think what is happening is a lot of reaction out of fear because people do not interact with transgenders on a regular basis. That being said you are so right! As Christians we need to treat each other as we would want to be treated. This is Jesus’s Golden Rule.
Mary Hill recently posted…P is for Prayer : Prayer Draws You Closer to God
Great thinking, Mary. So many of the emotional and highly charged issues could be handled so much better with kindness and the love of Christ.
Michele Morin recently posted…No Sanction for Domestic Abuse
You bring up some great points, Mary. I like single user bathrooms, personally, because I don’t have to worry about some man lurking in a stall next to me, nor overhearing someone else’s phone conversation (just EW! talking on the phone while doing your business in a public place) in the stall next to me. My favorite public bathrooms are the ones at MacKenzie River Pizza Co. in Bozeman, MT. The doors are marked “Either” and “Or.”
The point that the rule could be misused by someone is a scary thought. There should be a single alternate bathroom to be used by transgenders as I am sure they face equal harassment in the men’s washroom. No matter how small the percentage, its a basic right of every individual to be safe.
I believe the true issue is finding a way to deal with this bathroom issue where no one who isn’t a criminal feels like they are being treated like one. Personally I don’t believe allowing transgendered people into bathrooms according to their designated gender will increase crime in restrooms. These criminals who have disguised themselves to sneak into restrooms have done this years before and will continue to do so. They are sexual deviants and will not be deterred by any law or obstacle if their are terrible or sly enough to find a loophole. However I do believe as transgender want an option to use the bathroom of their choice then so should those who would rather use bathrooms only for and with those who are born of their birth sex. There needs to be more discussion but suggesting that sex crimes is a reason for not letting transgender or anyone not criminally liable to use bathrooms is quite unfair. We need to become even more vigilant against the criminals not tell innocent people they need to wait for criminals to change their minds. They won’t.
Sheena-kay Graham recently posted…Jupiter Ascending
Sheena-kay, you make some valid points. I think if the bathrooms are designed more securely too it may help. I really believe a secure, non-gender bathroom should be available in all public spaces. I don’t see that as punitive but as a good solution to the issue. Yes, criminals are not going to be swayed to stop bad behavior, but we should not make it easier for them to commit crime. There is also the issue of locker rooms. I do not want a man, transgender or not, in my locker room when I am changing. I want to feel my right to privacy is as equally valued by society.
Violence against women and children is a real issue in our society too. This violence is committed by sick and uncaring individuals who need to be stopped.
We all need to work together to solve issues as a society in a caring and considerate way. The transgender community has a stake in helping this issue too. I really believe if all stakeholders come together in loving ways, we can solve this issue in a way that validates everyone’s rights to dignity and love.
Mary Hill recently posted…Transgender Restroom Issue and Kindness
Thank you for going there in your post today. I tend to not even want to talk about topics like this because of the controversy and because I don’t like confrontation. With that said, the bottom line is how we treat others and beginning with love and kindness should be what we are focusing on.
Mary Geisen recently posted…Brave Revisited
I love everyone and know there are many transgender people who are not violent. But, there are plenty of cases of a transgender person assaulting a female. Why are the only women’s rights people worry about is whether they can have an abortion or make as much money as men? Our little girls need protecting! Too many suffer from sexual predators everyday. Why make them afraid of a public restroom? A ladies restroom/locker room should remain just for those born female with a vagina! Period! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzwMJAFWLtQ&nohtml5=False
In watching the video, I feel those arrested were criminals not representative of transgenders, but it does call into question the safety aspect of the issue.
Mary Hill recently posted…Transgender Restroom Issue and Kindness
I agree with you. Transgendered people seem to be kind-hearted and good people, but criminals can and will use this law to hurt women and children. That is the main fear. Transgender are not criminals or deviants. This is not a sword on which we fall. It is a real issue and concern.
Mary Hill recently posted…Transgender Restroom Issue and Kindness
I would love to see some REAL facts on just how many times a predator has posed as a transgendered person to gain access to a bathroom. I’m willing to bet more children have been molested in churches than by people posing as transgendered in bathrooms. But the church is STUNNINGLY silent on that.
Melissa recently posted…Getting Out of Debt With A Small Income
I know the church is way to silent on molestation. It is something people are trying to come to terms with. Some churches are facing this real issue head on. Predators and criminals are evil, but I know transgender people care about the rights of women and children too. I hate the rate of suicide in the transgender community too. We need open discussion and more love.
Mary Hill recently posted…Transgender Restroom Issue and Kindness
I added this to the post afterward and should have put it in the comment section as a response to question.
Also some claim that there have never been reported incidents of criminals posing as transgender and assaulting women. Here is a report on that issue: http://www.protectfayetteville.com/dangers-to-women-and-children.html
Specifically it cites this case:
“The Toronto law has been in place for 15 years. In 2012 a man named Christopher Hambrook assaulted two women in a women’s shelter while he was posing as a transgender, the Toronto Sun reports:
“Hambrook, 37, pleaded guilty in February 2013 to two counts of sexual assault and one count of criminal harassment involving two women — a deaf and homeless Quebec woman and a Toronto survivor of domestic violence — while he was living at a Dundas St. W. Shelter and the Fred Victor Women’s Shelter in January and February 2012.”
“Psychiatric reports concluded Hambrook is not transgender.” (Ord. 5781 does not allow this. A man’s claim that he is transgender can only be determined by that same man, not by a policeman or a judge or a psychologist)”
Mary Hill recently posted…Transgender Restroom Issue and Kindness
I have a little different view on this issue, because there has never been one incident of a transgendered person assaulting anyone in a bathroom. I have not seen any legitimate claims of anyone posing as a transgendered person with the intent of assaulting someone in a bathroom, either. It breaks my heart that this is the sword the “church” has chosen to fall on publicly. Jesus entered the homes of sinners, outcasts, and people society was afraid of. I daresay he probably used their bathroom, too!